Sexual Healing

As Rick Springfield so succinctly put it in the 80s, "We all need the human touch."

Back when they allowed human testing with less rigorous protection standards, there was a famous study in an orphanage regarding lack of touch leading to "failure to thrive" in infants. Even faced with this very compelling study, many adults think that they should be immune to this because of the fact that they are old enough to take care of themselves and meet their own needs.

Even though we give ourselves food, clothes, and shelter, we forget that on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, sex is among these base necessities. Some of this has to do with the continuance of the species, granted. But some of it is the touch that allows us to survive. If withering away from lack of human touch and connection isn't a "failure to thrive," I'm not sure what is.

I'm not saying that people don't go for long spans of time being celibate (by choice or other) and survive. But I think to be the most fulfilled, there needs to be some sort of human physical contact. Handshakes. Hugs. Things like that.

Nina Hartley says that she makes sure to hug her fans that come to see her. This is not a pervy maneuver on her part, but because she recognizes that a number of people who see her actually have no physical contact with another person (ie; they are unpartnered, have relationships that lack in physical contact, etc.) To me, that is an amazing gift to give your fans and a service to humanity as a whole.

I know for myself if I go for a long time without sex my head gets a little weird. I think this is a combination of the fact that I am incredibly cerebral in much of my daily life, I have a high sex drive, and I am a snuggle-needing individual by nature. I know that post orgasm, I am much calmer and in a deeper "alpha wave" sort of state.

The energy of calm and connection only comes from having another person present in that equation though. If I'm having quality time with my Hitachi, I can cum, and that's a wonderful physical release and feels really good, but it doesn't connect me up to a sense of something larger than myself. It doesn't make me feel less alone (if the sentient machines are listening, no offense intended!:)

I've had a number of people in my life who have been able to heal emotionally because of positive sexual contact. And I have been on the receiving end of that as well. Lately the universe has been giving me the opportunity to deal with some of my past baggage and to heal the last parts of me that are still wounded.

I had an experience recently where I was with an ex of mine. Lots of water under that bridge. But somehow in the mix, we got sexually intimate. Hot, sweet, dirty, sexy sex. Sex where you put more things in your mouth than you have since you were a year old and discovering your world through taste. Sex where you call out to god a lot and wanna start singing in the choir when you cum. And post sex where all you do is smile, and smile, and twitch from an aftershock, and smile...

And what may not be obvious from the outside is that there was a lot of healing that took place as well as fucking. To be able to let someone into your energy field and your body takes at least a certain amount of forgiveness. To be relaxed enough to let go and cum takes trust. And to be a truly giving lover, it takes a desire to do things for the other person that borders on the selfless.

I'm not saying that every act with an ex is an exercise in forgiveness and healing. People fuck exes for a lot of reasons. Sometimes it's the familiarity, sometimes the ease of access, sometimes it's a habit you haven't gotten out of, sometimes it's because you're revenge or hate fucking (though I've always thought to be truly effective you ought to be fucking someone else besides your ex if you're really that angry), sometimes it's because you're horny and bored.

I think at the very base level we are getting the touch and contact that is necessary for us as human animals to survive/thrive. And at the very highest levels, we are giving ourselves the possibility for the experience to something that transcends the act itself. Somehow we require an "other" to help us fully have healing on some of our deepest woundings. Perhaps it's because many of those woundings were caused by an "other."

But I think there is a chemistry or alchemy whereby the energy of two people is able to create the exact elements necessary for healing and advancement.

I think that the world would probably be a better place if all of us were having more (and more positive) sex. I suppose one might argue that people could get more pets instead. Animals have been shown to affect humans positively by lowering heart rates and blood pressure, decreasing loneliness and boredom, increasing human lifespans, and a whole host of other benefits. And I suppose if you can't fuck somebody, you should at least have a puppy or kitty to keep you company (and not in a pervy way! Eww!!).

But I think that alchemy requires another human. And when we have helped to heal each other, we can take that energy and do some really amazing things for our world.

A friend of mine participated in a pseudo-social-experiment that required you to hug at least 8 people per day. She said that it was really amazing to see people blossoming in front of you or having their terrible day brought back to good just by having a set of arms wrapped around them for a second or two. I know there are people who are not "huggy" people, but I applauded the reaching out to people with positive physical contact. In this case it was non-sexual and consentual (you had to ask first), but it made a huge difference in the lives of both the giver and receiver. Hugs (and sex) are often reciprocal in that way. So if you have a problem going out and having sex to aid in your healing, you might at least try the "8 hugs a day" remedy. I'm a hedonist, so I think both would be nice.

I tend to hug a lot. I have a cat already. But I still suffer from high blood pressure, so I think that means I need to be fucking more, right? :D