Respect the Thin Line

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrnkrQlgXIk


Often when you do work for/with people regarding their energy, you end up loving them. In some ways this is because we are forced to see their highest selves and push out toward that. It is also easier to catch the flow of energy when you are riding the waves of bliss, which come easily when you beckon them if you have a loving heart.

The toughest lesson for me, and one I am forced to re-learn, is that not everyone you work with is yours to keep. I don't necessarily mean this in the ownership category, though that could apply. But it does sometimes mean that you don't get to keep them in your life in any meaningful way.

I've been blessed to be able to keep many of the people I've worked with in my life as friends. But there have been a few that I may never get to see again. And those are the ones which cause me the most pain.

As I may have mentioned, I'm also a pervert, and I always have to ask myself what level of interaction with people is ethical when they are also in the lifestyle. Some people you can sleep with and it's not an ethical question, others it would be unethical to do so. The question has to be asked and answered on an individual basis, person-by-person. Will it negatively affect them and their energetic or spiritual progress? Is it necessary to sleep with them to aid their progress? Will it do harm to them, to you, or to someone else in their lives?

It's exceptionally important for me to honestly answer these questions before I act, and sometimes if my own needs aren't being met it begins to cloud the issues. I have people with whom I am becoming energetically intimate and I am needy and I begin to push in a way that threatens to cross the line...

Right now I am struggling because I have unmet needs that have to be addressed. At this point in time, I am only hurting myself, and I am trying to be careful not to harm anyone else. I keep saying I am not an emotional masochist, but apparently my actions would belie that...

I need to do everything I can to be harmless, as I want to keep everyone in my life that I can, especially people in whom I invest a lot of my energy and who I love.

I carry a laminated four-leaf clover in the change pocket of my purse as a physical reminder. It's not just that it's luck, and we can all use some of that. It was a small token that was given to me from a man I couldn't keep and who is no longer a part of my life. I miss him. I stalk him online every once in a while to make sure he's still in the land of the living.

But this small pressed piece of life reminds me that those preserved moments in time are precious, no matter what happens after.

And in the end, I don't serve for myself, though I need to make sure my own needs are getting met so I'm not playing the martyr card or becoming a husk of a woman.

In the meantime, I will be sad if I need to be sad, and try to respect the thin line.