Know, then, that it is the year 2011...
Much of my service to the Universe requires that I write about my experiences moving through the world. It may (or may not) help you to know my history to know why I am here at this moment, writing.
From the earliest time, I can remember being interested in all things metaphysical. This may have been due to my vivid imagination and reading books where wizardry was perfectly normal and real. This was combined with the fact that odd things seemed to happen to me that defied explanation.
When I was almost out of High School, I started dating a man who was a psychic. I am never one to say to a person, "you have to believe because I believe." That's like expecting someone to believe in UFOs just because you saw one. A person will only generally change there minds if they are faced with what they consider to be compelling evidence (whatever that looks like). Suffice to say I am a rational woman who was presented with evidence that made it impossible for me to believe.
Unfortunately, he was of the opinion that only some people could work in this world, and he called these people "meta." I have come to realize that this is actually a human quality that is present in all of us, though some people may have an easier time working in that world because of their individual strengths (hey, I really stink at basketball, but I can at least heave the ball in the direction of the net when called upon to do so). There was one night in bed when I was not sleeping and he was snoring next to me that I prayed to God to be like him, "meta." I think that this communicated to my brain that this was an ability I wanted to focus on and increase.
Although that relationship did not last, I continued on in my search for greater understanding and access to the world of energy. I took both my first and second degree Reiki training, which is an Asian system of healing using universal energy. My first teacher felt that training should be expensive so that only people who were very serious about it would receive the training. My second degree teacher was also my massage therapist, and who was the person from whom I received my first Reiki treatment. She believed that one should charge enough to be able to live and continue to work and teach, but that it should be accessible to as many people as possible. She felt, as do I, that the world needs more healers.
It was also from her that I took a several month long class on meditation, which was my first serious introduction to zen. It's not that I hadn't read about it earlier in my life, but that I had never really been clear of the distinctions between it and other forms. And I had never really applied myself to specific forms of meditation in any sustained way.
At some point after this, I developed MS, which I mention here because sooner or later I will reference that fact. It was something that jettisoned me into finding out more about the incredibly complex system that is the human body and what other sorts of alternative treatments might be available to take the place (or compliment) western medicine. It also reinforced how strong the mind is in affecting the body and the energy surrounding it.
I also began to experiment more in the world of BSDM and kink. I can look back to early moments where I can see it surfacing in my personality. I was always extremely sexual, but there were elements coming out in me that others might consider deviant of the sexual norm. I want to take a moment to say that I had a childhood much like everyone else; there was no more abuse than normally present coming from parents who grew up in my parents' generation. I am just as scarred from it as everyone else is, and just as unscathed as others.
But I will say that I read a number of kinky books growing up. One might be surprised at the number of them that were available in the library my small hometown. As a nerdy kid growing up in the middle of nowhere, I read almost everything. I show this as evidence that people who ban books never actually read any of them. They hang their ire on a small number of books that someone has told them are bad (which they never generally ready either) and miss the fact that there are any number of books that are much worse than the tome they are currently complaining about and wanting to ban.
I remember reading this thousand page book titled Maia, written by Richard Adams (Author of the beloved Watership Down). It's about a girl in a fantastical kingdom whose step-father becomes her lover, and her mother, in rage, sells her into slavery. She meets all sorts of depraved souls, but finally works her way up in the kingdom to the point where she is the one who must save it. I also found a series of books in the used bookstore called The Baroness, which were about a female James Bond type who fucked and killed with equal glee.
I also studied theater in college, and theater people are a lot more sexually experimental and open (as compared to society at large, especially when you consider the fact that I lived in a very red state). I met my roommates through the theater, and one of my roommates and I had a tradition for a while of reading chapters out of Anne Rice's (under a pseudonym) Beauty series. It was also during college that an acquaintance of mine invited me to a dance that was heavily attended by her BDSM group.
It was there I met my former Master and his very lovely slave. I become a collared submissive of his several months after meeting them. They had been searching for a third for a while, and I became that person for a year or so. After our relationship shifted and I ended up moving to another state, I didn't get to speak to my former Sir on a regular basis until years later, when he became my Mentor in the zen tradition.
Now I am no longer at a place where I have him as a mentor per se, though I still look to him for advice and insight upon occasion. But he and his slave are still very important to me, though it may be difficult to see that from how much we are (and are not) part of each other's lives. Sometimes an outside eye cannot discern the bonds of energy and obligation that connect people to one another.
At this point, I am fairly seriously involved in the BSDM community, while at the same time continuing my education into all things metaphysical and zen. I teach classes on energy through my kink community upon occasion, and I do what service I am called upon to do by the Universe. Or at least I try.
There are probably more stories to tell regarding how I came to be here. But that's probably enough for now (or too much and you stopped reading long ago). Hopefully you will find something of help to you in your journey by reading this blog and reaching out for your own understanding in your daily life.
May your life be interesting, complex, and filled with absolute joy and wonder at the world.
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